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Whether it’s sleeping on the sofa or receiving the silent treatment, we wanted to find out how people are punishing their partners after an argument and it seems that we are no stranger to being in the doghouse, and spend an average of 180 hours a year in it!
According to a recent poll we did, almost a third (29%) confessed they have slept on the sofa following a row. A more spiteful approach however, shows two in five (22%) go ahead and watch extra episodes of a shared TV series without the other.
Ignoring or not speaking to their partner for at least 24 hours (36%)
One of them slept on the sofa (29%)
Watching a TV programme without the other (22%)
Cooking dinner for themselves but not their partner (10%)
Leave to stay at a friends house (9%)
More than one in twenty (6%) went to the extreme of actually locking their other half out of the house, with the same number of people admitting to doing their own laundry but not even touching their partners clothes.
We teamed up with two relationship experts to share their top tips on how to resolve lovers tiffs and get your relationship back on track after a big row.
DatingScout.co.uk founder, Chris Pleines, shares his tips:
Only speak when you’re both ready to be objective. Instead of reacting instantly, ask for some time out so you can both cool down and collect yourself. When you’re no longer impassioned by anger, ask if they’re ready to talk and resolve the issue.
It’s important to remember it’s not a contest. Always try to see where the problem is coming from, and your partner’s point of view. However you should also be wary of the arguments you’re having - are they really worth the hassle? Sometimes, all it takes is to agree to disagree and respect each other’s choices.
Finally, strike the disagreement at its roots. Do you argue over the same topic over and over again? May it be the household, money or the partners past - if you recognize that you both can’t get over a thing that churns you up every time it comes to a disagreement, the only way out of that is to talk about the cause. Both partners have to be completely honest here and talk about their feelings so you can truly move on.
Dr Tony Ortega, author of self help book #AreYouHereYet, also advises:
When your partner really ticks you off, instead of sending them to the dog house for committing such an egregious offence, try and make the situation a tad more objective thereby managing our own emotions better. That way you’re more likely to resolve the issue without holding onto a grudge.
Recognising that we always have power over the choices we make will decrease our tendency to punish our partners for any perceived wrongdoings. Sometimes, the only choice we have is choosing to change how we see a situation. Yes, your partner may have hurt you. Yet, if we take a step back and choose to see it differently, we might see the hurt having occurred without malice of forethought. Sometimes people hurt us out of sheer ignorance that it would hurt us, bad timing, or taking poorly thought out actions. If we exercise our only power, which is the choices we make, we would have a decreased tendency to exert our power by punishing.
Whatever the disagreement, following these top tips should help you resolve it more effectively, and help you avoid more nights on the sofa!